Those Advice from My Father Which Saved Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good spot. You require assistance. What can I do to support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger inability to open up between men, who often absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to take a break - going on a few days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."